Meet The Fitness Guru – And Get Presents
No official ‘Congratulations, we want you to be a cast member on a year long journey to get fit’. But a short email arrived telling me to come to the first shoot on Friday, Aug 3. I’m game for it. There’s no money in this. It’s not a network show. The value is going to have to be in having a support system to get on track with fitness. What an outrageous concept, getting fit without compensation. And they mentioned small prizes and incentives along the way. I have already glorified them in my mind. The prizes that is.
The call time of 1:30pm had me scratching my head. Last time we’d had lunch, a production company treat, at about that time. The workout was at around 3. I ate half of a leftover Arby’s sandwich while driving over. I sent a couple of brief texts, too. I reminded myself ‘Don’t do that texting while driving anymore’. With that half sandwich at least I wouldn’t starve if there was no lunch. And there would be room if a meal was waiting. Solid plan. As soon as I walked in I could see a table full of food orders. Aha! My call time was after lunch, even though lunch was just arriving. I’m also thinking I might be a little too centered on the topic of food. There was a workout to deal with, though; I’d really some calories to get through it. That previous test workout kicked my glutes.
It’s such a friendly bunch of people. Good energy. It’s amazing how many names a person can forget in two weeks. My fellow castmates, Mike and Kate (I had to ask her name again) were enjoying some tasty salads. They’d been called in earlier for a how to make morning protein shakes segment . There was a bag of ingredients for each of us to take home. Protein powder, almonds and frozen berries. While waiting around around I snagged some almonds and cheese bread and some chilled green tea that’s always in the production fridge. They’ve got a nice pad there for long work hours.
It was fun chatting around the table. Ben, the Kiwi, looks a bit like a slender Russell Crowe and is the producer. Maybe? The crew changes roles from show to show so they don’t behave like their job title. They are refreshingly affable and, when it comes to doing the job at hand, are quite goal oriented. I’ve been on a great many low budget shoots in my life in one capacity or another and there was always at least one (usually more) certifiable psycho in the crew. In this case it looks like the cast is most likely contain the psycho. A good mood descended upon the lunch table.
I quizzed Chad, who I think is another producer, about the reality of this reality show. How long would it run? Won’t we get some paperwork? Is it a set time? Will we do a first weigh in? It turns out Chad is practically a neighbor of mine. In a most chilled out demeanor let me know they were still tinkering with the format. We’d all signed released so they were good to go. There would be some kind of deal memo somewhere down the line. It was all good basically. I’ve heard that lone before but in this case it was totally working. I chilled out and figured just roll with it. There wasn’t any cash at stake. And these people had a vested interest in my improved fitness.
And improved fitness would really help in a bunch of ways. My wonderful Natasha, perfect in so many ways, has had about enough of a chubby hubby. She hasn’t acquired the encouragement technique of spousal redirection. She’s sweet as sugar everywhere else. I’m certain she’s not the only person who’s toughest with the spouse. In any case it’s been a challenge to rise above the complaints to avail myself upon the solution – increased activity methinks – when I really would rather plop out two pieces of Japanese mochi green tea ice cream from Trader Joe’s.
Then there’s the not dying young part. I see celebrities in the news croaking younger than I am now. Holy smokes. I think the best is yet to come. I haven’t hit my stride yet in life. My best days and accomplishments are right around the corner. My mother died of heart disease. I’m a man in my early fifties with the hard type of belly fat. Fifty pounds of it. I want to live longer. With all my capacities intact.
It was impossible not to notice, when I lost all the weight in 2000, how people reacted differently to me. When I hit my lowest, 160 lbs. I was a bit underweight. On the way back up I discovered the sweet spot for onlookers was 172 lbs. I could feel eyes drawn to me. This is a simple fact of life. People have eyes and respond to visual stimuli. Fat people drop off the visual radar. I did. Same for skinny people. We are all groovy no matter what the size. But I want to use every tool in the tool kit to make my mark in life. As a free lancer, I need to be attractive to clients in every possible way. No, I don’t mean sexing them up. Or do I? There’s a sexual component in almost every interaction, or so say some psychologists. But I digress. Bottom line: looking better would be better for business.
So off we trundled to our little park in Culver City. Mike, myself and Kate in the back two seats of a fifteen passenger van. We circled the neighborhood getting interviewed about our upcoming fitness journey. When we’d all said clever things, my own assessment, we pulled up to our grassy workout spot to officially meet Jason, our trainer, guru and mentor.
We had a few minutes to wait in the van, just us fat people. I mean cast members. It was good to bond a little even though we didn’t have anything of great import to say. We’re all thinking the same thing. At least I am. Is this going to be a real show? Are there any opportunities to come from it? Are those wrapped presents on the grass? We see Jason walking up and speculate whether his glimmering new outfit is from production. Those green shoelaces perfectly match the accents in his workout shirt. We get the word and say our on camera hellos. Jason is a pretty cool fellow. We get straight to the workout. As noted before, this crew focuses on getting the job done while keeping a laid back attitude.
The program is more of fitness test. Ten exercises, thirty seconds each. Jason is into the heart pounders. Jump into a lunge over and over on the same leg. Then switch. It hurts. Mike is a ham. Always talking back and/or lying on the ground. Comedians. I think about clever quips. Then do the next exercise. Thankfully it wasn’t as hot as during the pilot. And we were out of the direct sunlight. I was close enough to a tree to feel roots under my soft patch of grass. Not the perfect spot but basically it was a beautiful day and I was exercising in a park with a great trainer and four cameras pointed in my general direction. It inspires way more than nagging. Kate is making it through OK. I hang in there except the ab work. My torso is long and my legs are short. My center of balance is a bit off. Jason told me my form was terrible. I was ready for some help getting it right. This was just the fitness test so I was left to flounder about.
Water. Grunting. Lying on the ground. We got our presents! One big and one small. Kate guessed the small one was a workout tape by Jason. I thought she might be right. We had a nice ceremony where Jason said inspiring word, which I can’t recall, and gave us our well wrapped boxes. Samantha, camera op, said she and Ben wrapped them by hand. Very sweet. We groped through wrapping. The little one was a Fitbit, a nifty little device that measures calories burned, steps walked, stairs climbed, distance walked and sleep amount and delivers that info via WiFi to the Fitbit website. It’s really cool. Much cooler that an exercise tape.
The other one looked like a tablet. Not an iPad. But maybe one of those other… Hey, it wasn’t a tablet at all. It’s some shiny scale. The Withings Smart Body Scale. Perfect for fatties. But holy pot bellies, it uploads weight and BMI via WiFi as well. Get on it naked in the morning and there’s no logging to do. Thanks. These are some sweet, high tech perks.
OK, time for our wrap ups. This is close-up time. We each say how we feel. I felt excited, tired, thankful, a little nervous about following through. Kate says she’s gotta go. Now. Not even a business thing. Something personal. Hmm. Doesn’t she know the close-up is our most important moment? Ben, being very nice says we have enough to work with. We can go. Maybe I’m an undercover diva. That’s the worst kind. They pretend they aren’t a diva but get all bent out of shape at inappropriate times. Natasha is the right kind of diva. She squeaks at the moment she feels it. Another digression. I wanted my close-up. I said it was important, our time to share who we are. Ben called it a wrap for the location. We did shoot some reactions on the van ride back. Surely a model must know this was important to allow viewers to really know our personalities Now I wondered if I should say something to Kate in the time before our next workout.
The cast of Being Fat Sucks are being paid in training, motivation an in occasional presents like the FitBit, but not in money. The writing of this blog is to share my journey and my own edification. If you have received anything of value from this post please consider donating or purchasing some of my music on your way out.
“My Days On Being Fat Sucks: “Meet The Fitness Guru – And Get Presents,” copyright © 2012 by Martin Blasick.